


Stucky One shots and more

by Lucabelle



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Gets a Hug, Bucky Barnes Goes to Therapy, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Don't Judge Me, FUCK endgame, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kinky, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, Sharing a Bed, Top Bucky Barnes, all my homies hate endgame, anyway, bucky didnt get his hug, but also like top steve and bottom bucky because um yes, he doesnt make them better, i bassed a lot of these off of songs, i l i e d, i will try to combat the angst with fluff, ill put warning at the start of the bad chapters, im sad so-, on another note, steve is sad boi, there will be lots of angst, this is going to get intense so be warned, this site has so much porn so i wanna add to the chaos, tony is my daddy issues-, tony stark is an asshole but we still love him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26700187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucabelle/pseuds/Lucabelle
Summary: This is just a bunch of stucky one shots because i have lots of ideas that i don't wanna turn into full on fics so here you go have some hopefully good and long one shots to read instead of sleeping  ((i see you, go to bed at some point please))
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

whoop hello so um this is my first fic and i shall have some chapters up soon!~

Luca xoxo


	2. Happier ((re-upload since ao3 hates me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky watched, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, as Steve, his best friend since childhood and the damn love of his life, stepped onto the platform. Ready to leave, leave him, leave behind this life he had made for her. It was always her.  
> He remembered the talk they had and how his eyes sparkled when he talked about her.  
> 'm gonna stay back, Buck, live my life. Be with her'  
> The words echoed in his head like bells of doom.  
> But oh how he looked happier with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn,,,,,ao3 hates me smh

Bucky watched, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, as Steve, his best friend since childhood and the damn love of his life, stepped onto the platform. Ready to leave, leave him, leave behind this life he had made for her. It was always her. Since the very first day he saw them together. It was her. He saw how Steve looked at her, He had eyes for fucks sake.

He could see how he loved her,  
he could she how he cared for her.  
He could see how he wanted her. And how he didn't want him.

I mean what was there not to love about Agent Carter? A women who managed to master diplomacy and espionage in a time when no one wanted to see a woman succeed at either.

She was beautiful.  
She was smart.  
She was kind, caring and compassionate.

She saw Steve for the man he really was.

Just like He always did.

But he wasn't good enough.

He wasn't Peggy.

Thinking back on all the times he would gush about her in the tents at night. Thinking about that stupid fucking compass. Thinking about how he felt completely crushed and devastated. He tried to not take it personally but it hurt like a stab wound to the chest, smiling to hide the truth because if he showed any sing of being upset the crying would never stop.

But then he wanders off to the memories that gave him hope. When he would laugh at one of his jokes, his nose would crinkle up and Steve would turn to look at him and Bucky can swear on his life he saw that same sparkle, all those moments spent too close but taken away so quickly, too quickly. Long nights in the tents, those subtle touches that shouldn't of meant as much as they did but still sparked a flame in his heart and his breath hitch.  
I mean, Steve fought a fucking war for him. For the slightest chance he was still there, that Bucky was still alive under all those years of brainwashing. Split up his team, became a fugitive and a criminal for him.

Steve was the reason he snapped out of the HYDRA bullshit mind fucking.

Steve disobeyed direct orders for the slightest chance he was there in that base.

He thought he loved him like he loved Pegs but- no, no how could he?

Bringing himself back to the future and pulling himself out of his thoughts. The talk they had- They way his eyes sparkled when he talked about her sends him spiraling back. How his smile was always twice as wide as when he was with her. Watching from the back, just discarded and forgotten, for good reasons as well.... He could never make him happy, not as happy as she made him.

...Fuck sakes he did it again.

Snapping himself back from his thoughts, thoughts that fucking killed him inside. Where was he- words-

The words.

'm gonna stay back, Buck, live my life. Be with her' The words echoed in his head like bells of doom. But oh how he looked happier with her. 

Just like that.

Just  
Like  
That

He was gone.  
Blink of an eye. He's gone. The love of his life- his best friend on and off the battle field. That kids who could never run away from a fight, to the point where Bucky genuinely thought he liked getting punched. That scrawny kid who he met when he was 8, friendship that really did last till the end of the line.

This is the end of the line.

Bitter sweet really, they say if you love somebody, let them go but if he lets go. He's letting go of his only reason. Giving up his lifeline so he could go have kids, get married, buy a nice house. Live out that perfect American dream™ that Bucky could never give him.

He couldn't give him happiness  
He couldn't give him the life he wanted  
He couldn't give him good memories.  
He couldn't give him those breath hitching touches  
H couldn't make him blush like she did  
He couldn't give him a nice, peaceful life.

He could give him trauma and baggage.

And himself... But he wasn't enough and never was.

Standing there, numb at this point as Sam said his goodbye and watched as Steve passed down he mantel and passed on the legacy. This really was it huh? It wasn't some strange nightmare. It wasn't some hallucination. Bucky pinches himself again just to make sure he's not dreaming or off in some weird world.

Its the end. He's alone in this world alone.

And hes's going to have to learn to navigate it with out Steve there. 

No reason to pull himself up out of bed now.  
Soul cold like the air that is blowing.  
Fake smile crumbling to reveal that darkness and sorrow.

How is he supposed to learn how?

"You ready to go, Barnes?" Sam's voice breaks him out of the other dimension he had thought himself into.

Sam gives him a sympathetic and understanding look, followed by a friendly pat on the shoulder. A way of saying; ' Let him go. It's okay'

Bucky just nods and practically has to drag himself away from the spot he was standing in. This felt like giving up. This was giving up. This was letting go.  
And it was the furthest thing from okay.


	3. Lost with out you ((Happier pt2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slumping down in his well used arm chair. Completely deflated and drained, he lets it all go. He lets all the pain and tears out. The flood gates are down and the pure, raw emotion is spilling over the edge. Agony. utter agony. His world is crumbling like a damn cookie.   
> He should never of let him go. Never in a million years should he of let him slip through his fingers like that. He should of Kept a firmer grasp, never should of said go, should of just kissed him. Right there out in that forest, on that cliff edge by the water. Brids chirping, and a light breeze. 
> 
> Perfect place for the first kiss that will never be.
> 
> Pain like no other, he's never felt this much pain in all those years of torture don't compare to the pain inside him.  
> None of the nightmare.  
> Not the arm.  
> Nothing compares to the anguish burning and spilling over. 
> 
> Standing on the platform, watching you go  
> You said you wanted to see the world  
> And I said go,.

Kicking off his shoes and slumping down in his well used arm chair that sits in the corner of his fairly modern apartment . Completely deflated and drained, he lets it all go. He lets all the pain and tears out. The flood gates are down and the pure, raw emotion is spilling over the edge. Agony. utter agony. His world is crumbling like a damn cookie.   
He should never of let him go. Never in a million years should he of let him slip through his fingers like that. He should of Kept a firmer grasp, never should of said go, should of just kissed him. Right there out in that forest, on that cliff edge by the water. Birds chirping, and a light breeze. 

Perfect place for the first kiss that will never be. As much as he long for the feeling of their lips together he will never get it. Just a constant reminder of life that could of been. Perpetual 

He's lost, lost with out him. Tucking his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them, face blotchy and tear stained as more threaten to spill over. He's doing his best to blink them back, curling up into a tighter ball, wishing Steve was there to hold him but that- that's never going to happen again. He's never going to get to see him again. That final touch, just a small hug and a lingering hand on the shoulder. Never going to have that warmth beside him. He doesn't get to keep his eyes in his life...

Sat in the corner of his living room, everything is reminding him of Steve. Memories he once loved, hurting him and beating him down. Seems like yesterday they were having the times of their lives. Laughing and joking. Like old times, damage of the past melting away. He glances over the room and feels sick to his stomach. The mix of uncontrollable saddens and crying with the feeling of being lost and unable to cope adding in wanting to be sick. 's not a good concoction of feelings. 

He feels so small. Sad whimpers escaping from his lips as he rocks back and forward. He's nothing, nothing with out the man he loves. He's stumbling and falling. Just learning to feel again after having all emotion taken away for bloody years. Was just starting to get his footing back, felt he had a place. That place was beside Steve. he would be there, he wouldn't give up on him, he would always be there. With you till the end of the line right? The same seven words that they had said on the playground and on the battle ground. Same seven words that had broken him out of that mind prison he was encased in for so so so long.

That's gone now, back to square one. Basically back in that mind prison from he very depths of hell its self, well he would rather have his will to think taken away than sit here and be alone with is own thoughts. As soon as he thinks's he's calmed down, he looks up and another thought hits him like a damn fuckin' freight car. Knocking him over and back down to be eaten alive by the never ending pit of facing his feelings and accepting the truth.

He's swallowed his pride, he was the one, was always the one. It was Steve, always Steve. None of those dames were ever as good as him. He was the one, the one he loved then one he wanted to spend the rest of his days with. 

He was the one that he loved and he said goodbye.

Goodbye like it was nothing.

He chokes back a sob, bringing one hand up over his mouth to keep himself quiet. He can't breathe. His chest is closing up and the second wave of realization hits him. He's shaking like mad and choking out pained sobs. The pain is too much, it is all too much. He can't speak he can't move he can't breathe. All he can so is cry and sob. About screaming in agony. A knife in his chest and a knife in his back. He can't escape the pain, he can't escape the feeling.

He doesn't want to feel any more. He can't live with this, he can't live like this. He can't wake up every morning and know that he isn't here. He can't bare the pain of knowing how he was left and how he let it happen.

He's clinging onto himself, reaching for some sort of safety net or a rope to pull him out. Waiting for someone to wake him up and tell him its fake, Steve's here, it's is okay and it will be okay.

Steve was his safety net, Steve was his safe place. His shield. Safe space, nothing could hurt him when they were together. Nothing's hurts when they're alone

Pain like no other, he's never felt this much pain in all those years of torture don't compare to the pain inside him.  
None of the nightmare.  
Not the arm.  
Nothing compares to the anguish burning and spilling over. 

The pictures don't help. They are everywhere. He has to screw his eyes shut to get away from them but the image is still burned into his mind like it had been put the with a fucking branding iron. A branding iron would hurt less than what he's feeling right now.

For a second, while looking at the photos on the mantle, he's overcome with a feeling for pure unfiltered rage. He practically growls as he wipes the remaining tears of his face. Barking out an aggrieved laugh as he reaches for the loaded pistol that sits on his coffee table- Some things from HYDRA you just never shake- He picks up the gun and grips it tightly. Examining it for a second before aiming it at the photo, sitting on the mantel and fires five shots. The noise startling the birds at on the balcony and ringing out through the living room. The bullets lodging themselves in the plaster wall. Holes in the picture and shattered glass is everywhere.

Instant regret. that is the only way he can describe it. He launches himself up from the armchair. Mind racing and whole body trembling as he slides over to the mess of glass and broken dreams. Frantically picking up the fragmented shards, slicing his real hand open in multiple places. Blood dripping down and adding to the mess of glass,metal and plasterboard on his carpet. He hisses in pain and pulls his hand back, cradling it to his chest as if its the most important jewel in the world.

He glances down to the holey, blood covered photo. He thinks of today's events. 

Unlike any pain he's ever known.

He'd been strong for so long

He never knew how much he needed him.

Standing on the platform, watching you go.  
You said you wanted to see the world.  
And I said.... go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me cry ;-; i did this for what?


	4. woah i mega died

hahah so   
i hit a severely bad depressive episode   
i lost all creativity   
i shall be back as soon as i can

**Author's Note:**

> ah okay so thank you for checking this out, i will have some things up soon i promise! i love you have a great day, eat something, have some water, get some sleep and remeber you are loved!!


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